Kathleen Denly writes historical romance stories to entertain, encourage, and inspire readers toward a better understanding of our amazing God and how He sees us. Award winning author of the Chaparral Hearts series, she also shares history tidbits, thoughts on writing, books reviews and more at KathleenDenly.com.

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Miscommunication – From Minor Inconvenience to Life Altering Tragedy

Have you ever given instructions to someone, they reply that they understand, then they come back and they’ve done whatever you asked them to do completely wrong? I think most of us have been there. We’re left wondering what happened. You thought you communicated clearly. They thought they fully understood. Yet the end result is not what was desired.

This can be a minor inconvenience if you’re talking about something as simple as telling your child where to put a book on a shelf. But when it involves something far more important—when it involves strong emotions and life decisions—things can get messy quickly. They can even alter the course of someone’s life. Miscommunication is something I’ve experienced in my own life on more than one occasion and with consequences of varying severity. Yet even the most horrible mistakes can be used by God to bring about incredible beauty.

That’s one aspect of what happens in my novel Sing in the Sunlight. Well-meaning, though flawed, characters suffer a tragic misunderstanding that leads to incredible pain and life-altering choices. Yet God finds a way to bring joy amid the sorrow—to shine light through the storm—and eventually, to bring healing.

Here are three things I’ve found to be useful in avoiding miscommunication of the emotional kind:

2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (emphasis added)

• Take a deep breath before you speak. It is far too easy to open our mouths and shoot back a hurtful or angry remark at someone we think has just wronged us. But before we use our tongues as weapons (even defensive ones), we need to pause and get our emotions under control.

James 1:19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; (emphasis added)

• Choose to believe the best until proven otherwise. I think part of the love we are meant to show one another includes giving someone the benefit of the doubt until we are certain they intended to offend us. Even if we can’t see any way that what they did/said could be interpreted differently, it’s important to straight-up ask them, “Did you mean to offend me?” or “Are you trying to be hurtful?” That way there is no room for misunderstanding because it gives the other person a chance to explain if the hurt/offense was unintentional.

Proverbs 18:13 If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.

• Repeat back to them what you heard them say. Sometimes we mishear someone in the literal sense—like when we’re caught singing the wrong lyrics to a popular song. Sometimes the way someone phrases something or the word they chose means one thing to them and something different to you. For example, when you say “next week” do you mean this coming Monday or the Monday after that? So it’s important to rephrase what you heard and say it back to whomever is speaking to you. For example, if someone says, “Put that on the top shelf of the bookcase,” you might repeat back, “Okay, so you want it on the highest shelf, but not on top of the bookshelf, right?” See how that could go two different ways if clarity isn’t purposely sought? The same is true of situations involving high emotions.

In my novel, Sing in the Sunlight, one person says something with a loving intention, but the listening character hears something tragically hurtful. The listening character doesn’t repeat back what she thinks the other person says so the misunderstanding does incredible damage to their relationship. To avoid damaging your own relationships, always seek clarification.

Have you ever suffered a miscommunication with someone? How did you resolve it? Do you have any advice to share on this topic? Let me know in the comments!

To celebrate the upcoming release of Sing in the Sunlight, the second book in her Chaparral Hearts series, Kathleen is offering a giveaway!

Enter the rafflecopter for a chance to win a digital copy of Waltz in the Wilderness (book 1 in the Chaparral Hearts series), 2 Chaparral Hearts stickers, 1 Chaparral Hearts pen, and 1 custom bookmark made and signed by Kathleen Denly. Open to U.S. and International winners, void where prohibited. Entries open until midnight on March 9, 2021. Winner will be announced on Kathleen’s Facebook, Twitter, & Instagram accounts and must contact Kathleen with your mailing address within seven days of announcement.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER: http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/a61ba5d915/?

About the Book

Richard Stevens isn’t who he thinks he is. Neither is the woman who now claims his last name.

Disfiguring scars stole Clarinda Humphrey’s singing career, her home, and her family, but she refuses to let her appearance steal her future. While attending The Young Ladies Seminary in 1858 Benicia, California, she finds a man who promises to love and cherish her. Instead he betrays her, leaving her with child, and Clarinda must take drastic measures to ensure her child doesn’t suffer for her foolishness.

Richard Stevens’s life hasn’t turned out as he expected, and when a shocking letter turns even his past into a mystery, he travels to San Francisco in search of guidance. On the way, he encounters a mysterious young woman hiding beneath a veil. That night he experiences a dream that sends him on a quest to find the bride God has chosen for him. He never imagines she’s already told everyone they’re married.

Unwilling to lie, nor accept a marriage of mere convenience, Richard wants the real thing. Yet Clarinda’s not interested in love, only a chance to save her child. Can he help her rise above the pain that runs deeper than her scars to accept a love worth every risk?

Ebook order links:  Amazon | Apple Books | Barnes & Noble | Kobo

Paperback order links:  Amazon | Books-A-Million | Barnes & Noble 

YouTube link to audio recording of Kathleen reading the first scene from Sing in the Sunlight: https://youtu.be/t8ZqDYJIjDA

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Whether you’re just beginning this journey toward publication or you’ve been on the road for what seems like forever, the last thing you want is yet another “don’t give up” speech. Maybe you’ve already grown weary of rejections and requests to review, especially when those only result in yet another rejection. Only a few months in to your writing career (or maybe longer), you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. That’s why I’m writing to tell you to give up.

I’m sure that caught your attention. Here I am instructing you to give up when everything you read tells you to keep going. All over the internet, people tell you that it’s a marathon not a sprint and that giving up isn’t an option. I could tell you that, too, but you already know that. It’s time you gave up a few things if you’re going to continue down the path to publication.

1. Give up your time table. Many times I’ve heard “I thought I’d be published by now” or “why is it taking so long to get an agent”. Did you know there is no time clock on publication? It doesn’t matter if you get your first book contract at age thirty, forty, or beyond. So stop worrying about the time it’s taking you to get published. It will happen if you keep trying.

2. Give up your compelling need to be just like (insert well-known author’s name). Every author has his/her own path. That means you can’t expect to follow in anyone’s footsteps. There is no keeping up with the Joneses on the way to publication.

3. Give up the doubts. With every rejection, it’s easy to doubt your talent, but I promise you, this is a subjective business. One publisher’s rejection is another publisher’s bestseller. So one closed door isn’t the end of your journey; it’s just a detour.

4. Give up the bitterness. You want to be published, to see your work in print, and with each success of those around you, envy takes root. The more you feed it, the more likely you’ll become mired in bitterness. Instead, be happy when a fellow author gets a contract. That means publishers are still acquiring. An author reaching the New York Times Bestseller List is a reason to rejoice because it means readers are still buying!

5. And finally, give up the thought of giving up. If you want this dream to become reality, you have to work for it. Forget the past and forge ahead. Remember that you’re the only one who knows how many rejections you’ve received and how long it’s taken you to get that first book contract. And that will all fade away when you’re published.

So enjoy this journey. Keep learning and growing to prepare yourself for the success coming your way. There’s room in this publishing world for all of us!

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Dawn Carrington is the editor-in-chief of Vinspire Publishing, a family friendly publisher that has been in business over eleven years. Encouraging authors is a big part of her daily job as is finding new voices to train in trenches. Learn more about Vinspire Publishing by visiting www.vinspirepublishing.com.

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Are you interested in submitting a guest post? I’d love to hear from you! Email me at theengraftedword@gmail.com and we’ll chat. I can’t wait to hear what the Lord has put on your heart to share!

What about you? How have you decided to start your New Year off with a fresh start?

However, I don’t consider the decisions I’ve made at the beginning of the New Year typical resolutions. I honestly don’t like the idea of jumping on the New Year resolution bandwagon. It’s never worked for me. But, I do like the idea of rededicating myself to the Lord and everything He has called me to be.

To pull myself out of the winter depressive funk I was in and stop waiting for life to happen. To begin living the intentional life God has called me to from the very beginning of my existence. To stop making excuses as to why I’m unable to act on the areas in my life I’ve felt God calling me to grow in and instead, act right away upon the tug of the Holy Spirit in my heart. Wherever it may lead. To heed the voice of God when He whispers in my heart to pray over my phone at the exact moment I read a prayer request or concern being shared by a friend on Facebook. To let go of the “stinkin’ thinkin”, which so easily distracts me from the guidance of God’s spirit in my life.

I’ve learned how to remind myself over and over and over again to take all my grand goals one-step at a time. To answer the question, “How do you eat an elephant?” Do you know the answer? “One bite at a time.” It’s a ridiculous quote, but it has honestly helped me to re-focus my heart and mind when I needed it the most. To be able to set fears aside and write what’s on my heart.

To be intentional. To stop wasting my life. To live by grace. And to no longer walk in condemnation or fear of failure.

What about you? How have you tried to live out the meaning of this inspirational quote in your writing journey?

I know I’ve found in my writing journey that I must often remind myself to be patient with myself. To be patient with the process. To not rush my growth as a writer or as a person. To not grow weary running my race. Whatever it may look like. To trust that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it . . . even when I tend to get in the way.

I’ll leave you with one final quote from one of my favorite teachers and authors, Dr. Howard Hendricks. And one I needed reminded of this week.

“As long as you live, you learn;

and as long as you learn, you live.”

In conclusion, let’s challenge ourselves to learn how to make the most of the days we are given in order that we might truly live for Him.

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Rhonda Ritenour (“Ritty”) is a book-lover turned writer who began her writing adventure from a desire God placed on her heart to conquer her fear of writing. Avid Book Collector. Antique Shopaholic. Coffee Lover. Pinterest Addict. And is blessed to be living her dream working with her best friend and husband as a houseparent. Connect with Rhonda via Facebook ~ Pinterest ~ Twitter ~ Goodreads

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